my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
