we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm passing your future prison.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
