i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
