I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
