Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
