she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
