some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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