I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
