im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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