she looked like the before picture.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
