I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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