the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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