I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
