Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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