I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
