I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
