U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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