i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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