Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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