He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
