I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
