tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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