Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
