I want to have your abortion
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
