HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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