i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
