I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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