dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
