remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
