So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
