We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
