I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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