i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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