A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
