Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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