Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize