he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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