I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do herpes really smell.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
