well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
