yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
