stop calling my apartment porn island.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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