I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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