hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
