I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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