I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
