The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
