At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
