You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
