She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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