she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
