you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
