I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My bed smells like the plague
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
