So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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