he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
