your room smells of hookers.
And success
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
