Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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