I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
