I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my poor anus
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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