Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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