I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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