Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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