she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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