Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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