I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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