dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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